Saturday, 2 June 2018

#10 - This Is Why I Don't Drink Very Much... 06/02/18

You wouldn't think writing a blog would be painful, but.......

Ugh.

I'm hungover. Last night I went to an Edmonton Prospects (baseball, for you non-sports nerds) with some friends, and the beers were cold and plentiful. Very, very, plentiful..... I'm hurting this morning, but it was worth it.

Since I got really serious about comedy, my social life has taken a pounding. Which is a good thing for the most part, because it means I'm getting work. It just makes the nights I get to see my friends or family mean a little more, because they aren't as common as they used to be. We went to the ball game, beaked the FUCK out of Okotoks (until they started laying into Edmonton. It's hard to chirp a team that's winning 9-1). Then we turned our attention to the home plate umpire. Which for my money, might be the worst job in sports. Especially with drunk morons behind you all night :)

I don't drink too much anymore. I probably get after it once a month these days? I don't know exactly when my body decided I could go fuck myself, but as I get older, I pay a steeper and steeper price for a night of booze. Remember the days where you could drink all night, sneak in a 2 hour power nap, and then drag your ass through work the next day? Me too. Barely.....haha.

It's too god damned expensive, too. Call me old and lame, but I feel shitty when I wake up the next morning, and realize through my headache that I'm out a couple hundred dollars from the night before. And then add in that I'm a terrible drinker. I'm a happy drunk, but I get really sick really fast once I hit my breaking point. I'm the worst.

I guess I look at drinking like I look at donairs now. I know I'm gonna feel like shit when I'm done, so I make sure to spread out the nights I indulge, and I enjoy the hell out of it when I do.

This is an awful blog. But I'm trying to write 100, and I'll be damned if I'll let a hangover stop me. That's good enough. I'm going for a nap.

Adam

Friday, 1 June 2018

#9 - Just Try 06/01/18

I put off trying stand up comedy for about 15 years after I graduated High School. And for no good reason.

Part of it, as I've mentioned in this blog before, was because I wanted to keep the fantasy of doing stand up in my pocket. It was something I could daydream about while I was at work, but I didn't actually have to do the work or take a risk. Part of it was laziness. And part of it was thinking that I couldn't do it, so why try?

After trying it, I discovered I could do. And it motivated me to start trying other things I wanted to do but never got around to doing. And it made me realize that if you step back, and honestly ask yourself why you haven't tried something you want to try, you probably can't come up with a very good reason. Because chances are, there isn't one.



This clip is my favourite video on the internet. (Except maybe the one of the squirrel that turns and looks at you while the dramatic music plays). Kevin Smith seems like a good dude, and his message here really hits home with me. Be a "why not?" There's just no reason not to try something you want to try. Maybe you can't do it at the highest level right away, but you have to start somewhere. I love the old adage, "If someone else has done it, you can do it."

You want to lose 100 pounds? Lots of people have done that. You just have to start. Watch what you eat and exercise! Want to start a business? The internet makes it as easy as ever to work from home in your spare time! You've always wanted to learn a second language? You can buy courses online and start it in minutes without leaving your house! It doesn't matter what it is, there's a way to do it. And there's just no reason not to. It doesn't matter what road block you use for an excuse, there's a way to get around it if you look hard enough. 

I think the problem most people have (I know I did with comedy, and still do with other projects), is that the first steps you have to take are the hardest ones. You don't know what you're doing, you're out of your comfort zone, and maybe you're afraid of looking stupid. You know who looks stupider than someone trying to better themselves? Someone that isn't doing anything except sitting around and complaining about where they are in life. 

I know it sucks, and it's hard, and you'll want to quit. But don't quit. If you take a day off or a step in the wrong direction, shake it off and keep moving. Before you know it, you'll look back, and you'll be amazed at how many steps you've taken. And suddenly whatever you're trying to do isn't uncomfortable; it's the most exciting part of your day. It can, and will, change your life.

Just, try.

Adam

Thursday, 31 May 2018

#8 - Facebook Sucks 05/31/18

Facebook is the worst. It's like a virtual drug. Nothing good comes from it, but it's insanely hard to quit....

I had logged out of Facebook years ago. I shut down my account and got on with my life. It was so good......And then I got into comedy, and sadly realized that the best way to stay in touch with other comics and bookers, is Facebook. God dammit....

When I went to sign up for a new Facebook account, I found out that they keep your old account tucked away. Like a fucking drug dealer that doesn't delete you from his phone after you stop using, just in case you come crawling back someday. I reactivated it, and everything was just as I'd left it. Clever bastards...

And the thing is, Facebook actually does work pretty well for booking and communicating. Frankly, I have no idea how people got booked in comedy before it existed, haha. And it can be fun. I try new jokes out on there sometimes, because it's easier to bomb by not getting any "likes" than it is to stand in front of a room of strangers and not get any laughs. Seeing pictures of people's kids and dogs is fun sometimes, too.

But that's where the list of good stuff about Facebook stops. A majority of the time I spend on that stupid app is used to watch dumb videos, or look at "Can You Solve It?" puzzles (that I can either solve, or that I think are stupid), or scrolling past "Share this if you agree" posts about why Trudeau sucks, or......well, you get the idea....

And the thing that pisses me off about it most, is that I can't quit it. In a perfect world, I'd pop into Facebook once or twice a day. I'd use it to occasionally check in with friends/family I don't see often, stay in touch with comedians, and promote shows (which doesn't work, by the way). 

(Photo credit to Andy Stidham of the 'Comedy Complaints" Facebook group)

But instead, I'm on there every 15 minutes. I scroll through, think about how stupid Facebook is, and then a minute later I'm checking it again. I can't stop. We all can't! (The ones of you that have managed to kick the habit, please never come back. You're our only hope). Twitter, Instagram, all the other modes of social media out there, none of them seem nearly as useless as Facebook. It's become the Wal-Mart of the internet. 

And that's not even touching on how Zuckerberg is selling our information to the aliens or whoever he's giving it to. It's not a popular take, but I don't particularly care about what he's doing with our information. Frankly, if you thought you could post all of your personal info on some public website, and nobody would ever use it, I think you need to get better at internetting. I just don't post anything I don't want the aliens (or whoever Zuckerberg is working with) to have access to on my Facebook page. (However, if they want to come to one of my comedy shows, there's a link in the event page I created!)

Facebook is, reluctantly, a necessary evil in my life. But I hate it. I hate it so very, very much.

Now, how many of you found this blog post via the link I shared on Facebook? 

Adam

Wednesday, 30 May 2018

#7 - I Didn't Expect to Enjoy Podcasting This Much 05/30/18

As I type this, I'm about to record the 63rd episode of my podcast. That's farther than I thought I would go with it when I started. And while I still don't get thousands of downloads, I'm really starting to enjoy doing it.

Podcasting is easy to get into. All you really need is your phone. Record a voice memo, upload it, and voila. I think we all know somebody that's started one. Where a lot of people hit a wall, is when they upload their first half a dozen episodes and they don't see a ton of downloads right away. It can be really discouraging.

Because it ends up being more work than it looks like. Say you want to produce a weekly podcast. At a glance, it sounds simple. You just talk. But then there's editing (which admittedly, some podcasts spend much more time doing than I do). You have to find a website or service to upload it with. You might need to book guests. If your podcast is about a specific topic, then you have to find a way to talk about that topic every week without getting repetitive.

Not only do you have to take all that stuff into consideration, but then you have to actually record the podcast. Which means you have to talk. Personally, I found talking to myself for an hour a lot harder than I thought it would be (Which is why I started asking more guests to come on the show). How Bill Burr churns out 2 a week just talking to himself, I have no idea.

And all that stuff is before you try to figure out how to get listeners. As you know, about a million new podcasts pop up every week. You either have to find a way to stand out, or just be happy growing slow and sure every month. When I started last year, I was getting less than 5 downloads per week. That number has (VERRRRYYYYY slowly) climbed, and while I'm still nowhere near the number of downloads I think I'd need to make any money of of it, I'm happy with the rate it's growing. For the most part, I think my guests have enjoyed themselves, and I've genuinely had fun recording pretty well all of the episodes so far.

When I started my podcast, I called it the 'Comedy Odyssey'. My original vision for it was an interview style show, where I'd bring different comedians on, and we'd discuss the business of stand up, and I'd document my journey into the world of comedy. But over time, I found it infinitely more enjoyable to bring friends on (not always comedians), and just have conversations about whatever we want. I'd loosely chalk Joe Rogan's podcast up as a source of inspiration. I think this format will hurt my chance at quickly growing my audience, as there isn't a specific demographic I'm targeting. That said, the number of downloads each week are slowly increasing, and the actual recording of the episodes has been WAY more enjoyable for me. And if it isn't going to generate a profit, it better at least be fun.

So if I was going to offer someone some advice in regards to starting a podcast, this is what I would say: (Keeping in mind, once again, that I have 62 episodes under my belt, and nobody listens to them).

- Pick a topic you're passionate about. If you're not simply going with a conversational podcast, make sure that the topic you're focusing on is something you can talk about and expand upon each week. Otherwise, you'll run out of things to talk about too quickly, and you'll get bored.

- If you're going to have a consistent co-host, make sure you're both on the same page in regards to dedication. If half of the team isn't willing or able to make time each week to record, you'll sink.

- Ignore your download counts, at least to start. Because chances are they won't be great. And that's ok. If you're starting a podcast just to get rich, I think you're making a terrible mistake. You can try to use it as a business, sure, but focus on creating quality content first. The rest will come. (At least, that's what the "podcast advice from good podcast hosts" articles I googled for this blog said).

Podcasting is an awesome way to scratch your creative itch. It's easier than ever, the technology isn't expensive, or complicated to figure out. I knew NOTHING about podcasting when I decided to start, and I spent a few nights with google, and was able to wrap my head around how to go about putting this stuff on the internet. If I can do it, anyone can.


You can find 'Adam Wastes Time' on Podbean, iTunes, and YouTube!

Thanks for reading! And listening (?)

Adam

Tuesday, 29 May 2018

#6 - Dogs 05/29/18

This is our dog, Molly. She is in the top .000001% of my favourite things on this planet. (Is a living organism a thing? She's not people....I don't know? I just really like my dog)

Don't let that smile fool you, she's vicious

When I decided I wanted to try and write a daily blog, I started a list of ideas for topics in my phone that I could go to when I couldn't think of something to talk about. Molly was one of the first ideas to go onto that list, and I made it 6 days. If you're not a pet owner, maybe this post is going to seem stupid to you. But if you have a dog, cat, bird, hedgehog, snake I guess....(?) or whatever, you get it.

(Also, I don't have kids. So before you parents start throwing "you think a dog's love is special, have children" takes at me, know that I can't relate to you. And I've seen my parents reactions to me and my brother, and their reactions to their dog. They prefer the dog.)

I'm completely obsessed with Molly. When I'm away from home for more than a few hours, I can't wait to get home and see her. And she's always so damned excited to see my girlfriend and I. You dog people know what I'm talking about. There's nothing better than coming home to an excited dog. They're never mad at you for leaving, they're just happy you're home. They don't care how bad of day you had, or how much money you made that day. They just want to go for a walk with you. There's no better form of therapy on the planet than walking your dog.

I feel like dogs are made up of all the good things in the world. They're loyal, they love you, all they want to do is be around their family. I don't know if they're oblivious to all the bad stuff going on around them, or if they just ignore it, but they live life the right way. Focus on what makes you happy, and the other stuff doesn't exist.

Molly never leaves our side. You won't catch her sitting by herself, ever. She has to be on top of someone. If my girlfriend and I leave her with my folks, or a friend to watch her, she's cool with it, as long as she can sit with them instead. I have a hard time sleeping unless she's on the bed with us. She's literally laying on my arm as I type this on my couch. It's making typing a lot harder, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

And it's not just Molly. I just like dogs. I'm allergic to them, so any of them that shed really mess me up, but it's usually worth it. Going to a party or something and finding out there's a dog there is the best. I know I'm not the only one that usually prefers playing with a dog I don't know, than trying to fake a conversation with a person I don't know.

I'll be honest, this isn't the most intriguing blog I've ever posted. But I don't care. Dogs might be the single best part of this world.

Thanks for reading. I'm gonna go walk Molly.

Adam


"What did we do to deserve dogs?"
Not nearly enough.....

Monday, 28 May 2018

#5 - Jealousy 05/28/18

I hate the feeling of being jealous of someone else. But as hard as I try to ignore it, I can't help it sometimes.

In particular, I mean when it comes to work. I've had regular, full time jobs for 15 years, and know all too well how it feels to watch someone else get a promotion, or an opportunity, or whatever, and you think you should have gotten it instead. You feel like you're more qualified than they are, or maybe you think they're lazy, or over-rated, or they just got what they got because they kiss the right ass. It doesn't matter. You sit there and feel jealous. And it's a shitty feeling.

This applies to comedy more than any other job I've had in my life. Because there's no pecking order in comedy. Seniority doesn't decide who gets to move up to the next level when a spot opens up. In a perfect world, when an opportunity presents itself, it would go to the funniest comic available. But that's usually not how it works. I still have a ton to learn, but something I figured out pretty quick is that when a spot opens up on a show/tour/festival/whatever, it's going to go to whoever's in charge of filling it decides they want it to go to. That's all there is to it.

Occasionally, it really does just go to the comic they think is funniest. Or maybe the comic wth the most Instagram followers, because they think he/she will be the biggest draw. It might go to the comic that person just likes the most. Sometimes it's as simple as "he or she was standing there when the spot opened up". You never know. But anytime a spot is open, and I don't get it, I can't help but get jealous.

And it's dumb, because sometimes it'll be over a spot that I didn't even want (or deserve). It's being  greedy. I can't help but want all the spots, and all the opportunities. Even if I know I'd be setting myself up to fail by taking it. Maybe you could chalk it up to being hungry and motivated, but I know that a lot of it isn't that, it's just greed.

And the stupidest part of all, is that I know damned well I already get a lot of opportunities. Most the time I'm aware of it, and I'm infinitely grateful. But that jealous feeling still creeps in every time I see someone else get a chance that I didn't. It's something I need to try and improve about myself. I guess my thought process is putting it down here might help me call it out and address it more moving forward.

And I am trying to address it. First and foremost, when I see another comic get something, I try to sincerely be happy for them. Even if I'm not close to them, it's still good for Edmonton/Alberta/Canadian comedy when one of us accomplishes something. It makes us look better as a collective group. Plus, it gives the rest of us a chance to apply the old "if someone else has done it, you can do it" mentality. We should really be picking each other up and working together, instead of trying to step over each other all the time. (I think this could apply to most walks of life, not just telling jokes).

Another step I'm trying to take is to just step back for a second, and be realistic. If someone else gets something, I ask myself:
A) Did you even want that?
and
B) If so, why didn't you get it?

If the answer to A is no, then just drop it and be happy for them. Greed is a bad look on anyone. There's plenty out there for everybody. Forget it and get back to what matters to you.

If the answer to A is yes, then I stop and ask myself why I think I didn't get it. If it was just because the booker liked someone else better, I try to forget it. That's out of my control. But I think most of the time, if I'm being honest with myself, it's either because they were more qualified, or they're a better comic than me. And if that's the case, it shouldn't make me jealous, it should make me hungrier. "Get better, or get bitter". I have to use it to fuel me to improve, instead of just using it to get angry.

There's an infinite number of opportunities out there. If you miss out on one, it's a pretty safe bet that another one is around the corner. Be happy for other people and their accomplishments, and use their success to motivate yourself. Just keep moving forward.

This isn't me trying to tell any of you how to live your life. It's something for me to come back and read whenever I see any comic get anything. I'm using this blog as a way to improve my writing, but if I can use it to call out my shortcomings and try to improve as a person, too, that's even better.

Thanks for reading.

Adam

Sunday, 27 May 2018

#4 - My Love/Hate Relationship with Pro Wrestling (Part 2 - Hate) 05/27/18

*NOTE - if you didn't like all the wrestling talk yesterday, well, thanks for page hit anyways. Come back tomorrow*

I don't like to use the word "hate" in regards to people. At least people I know. It's a strong word.

But I use it all the time in regards to stupid things. Sports, movies, music, stuff like that. And I don't know if there's any topic I feel more passionate about what I hate than professional wrestling. I don't know why I feel so strongly about something as trivial as wrestling. Politics, the economy, real life stuff? Meh. But Roman Reigns is going to main event another WrestleMania??? Don't get me started...

I think part of it is just that I love the good side of wrestling so much. The love/hate push and pull relationship you have with something is a two way street. The more you love aspects of something, the more you hate aspects of it, too. Maybe? I don't know. I'm just trying to justify why I get so worked up about a "fake" (shut up) sport.

And truthfully, I don't hate that much about it. I hate particular wrestlers (which I'll get to in a minute), but I don't hate a lot else about it. Some people argue gimmick matches are overplayed, but I love them. People hate "spotfests" (matches where the wrestlers just go from pre-determined stunt to pre-determined stunt, without much actual wrestling in between), but I think they serve a purpose. When used correctly, anyways. I have no problem with short title reigns. Some would say that it "de-values a title", but I don't think I agree with that. I look at it as it just means the company you're watching is more competitive. I like the idea that on any given night, a champion can be beaten. Plus, I think it adds more value to a long title reign. (CM Punk's year + as champion, for example).

So, if I don't hate those things, what do I hate? For starters, I hate scripted promos. For my money, that's one of the biggest issues with the WWE today. Back when wrestling was at it's peak, wrestlers weren't handed "scripts" when they had to go cut a promo. They were told what to touch on, and they'd have some ideas, but they were handed a microphone and told to "get over" (make fans care). Stone Cold, Jake The Snake, Chris Jericho, obviously The Rock, all masters of it. It was so much more fun than the promos today, where it's clearly guys and girls that can't act, trying to act. I hate it.

I hate that WWE doesn't have any competition. Remember when Vince McMahon bought WCW? I thought it was awesome, seeing Vince and Shane arguing with each other on Raw and Nitro at the same time. We all thought this was it, we'd get the dream "WWF vs WCW" feud. It should have made a billion dollars. But it sucked. You can argue that Vince couldn't put his ego aside and let WCW look equal to his precious WWF. Or that he should have gotten off his wallet and done whatever it took to get WCW's top stars to come over to WWF earlier. Whatever way you slice it, the angle is largely considered to be the biggest missed opportunity in pro wrestling history.

But with hindsight in mind, the bigger issue wasn't Vince blowing this big angle, it was that he no longer had competition. The WWF(E) product suffered horribly. With nobody pushing them to improve, the WWE started getting lazy. (Triple H wins. Triple H wins again! Here comes Triple H! Tri....you get the idea). I can't imagine how difficult it is to write several hours of original, entertaining television every week. But now that they're the only real game in town, they don't have to. They just have to put a product out, and they know there are millions of loyal wrestling fans out there that'll keep tuning in, even if they don't like what they say.

And on that note, I hate that the WWE doesn't listen to it's fans anymore. CM Punk, Dolph Ziggler, Daniel Bryan, the Nexus, Rusev, Cesaro, Gail Kim....the list goes on and on. How many wrestlers have we as the fans gotten behind, only for Vince, HHH, Stephanie and friends to come out and tell us, "Nope. You want Roman." There was a time when the powers that be within WWE couldn't ignore the fans. If we let them know, week after week, that we wanted someone to win, eventually they won. Because that's how the company made money, and kept fans from going somewhere else. It doesn't work like that anymore. WWE has decided Roman Reigns, John Cena, Randy Orton, Jinder Mahal (????) are who they want us to pay to see, and that's that.

My final straw with the current product was the burial of CM Punk. Punk could have been the next Stone Cold Steve Austin. He was white hot. But for whatever reason, WWE didn't want him to be the face of the company, and they let Triple H bury him. When Punk left, a lot of my interest in the current product did as well.

This has been a longer blog than I intended. I could spend another hour ranting about Roman Reigns and the WWE today. But at the end of the day, WWE is making money. They're (realistically), the only game in town. And after the scare WCW put into them in the 90's, they aren't going to let anyone else get even remotely close to knocking them off the top of the mountain. And with that perch at the top, comes the ability to do whatever you want. Fans can take it or leave it. And until enough leave it, nothing will change.

I hate the current product. But I can't quit it.....

Thanks for reading!

Adam

My official 5 most hated pro wrestlers of all time:

5 - Stephanie McMahon
4 - Goooollllddddberrggggg
3 - Kevin Nash
2 - Hulk Hogan
1 - Triple H