I've never really put a lot of stock into this belief. I'm certainly not saying that there's never been a depressed comedian. But why us? Take a large sample size of any occupation, and you're going to find people that have their issues. We all do. I'm not sure why comedians have been called out as much as they have. Maybe it's just because their entire job is based around making people laugh, and if you spend all day making people happy, how can you be sad? For whatever reason, the general consensus is that stand up comedians are sad.
I don't know if they're any sadder or happier than anyone else as a whole, but I will say this; the emotional rollercoaster that you have to ride as a stand up is....a....mother fucker.
Everyone has good days and bad days at the office. But I've never experienced dramatic ups and downs like I have as a comedian. Imagine going into work Monday, and at the end of your day, everyone tells you what an incredible job you did. Slaps on the back, high fives, you crushed it. You go back to work Tuesday, do your job the exact same way, and not only are people not telling you what a great job you're doing, they're going out of their way to tell you you suck. And you haven't changed anything from 24 hours ago. In 24 hours, you go from the highest of the highs, to feeling like you're stuck to the bottom of somebody's shoe.
That's what comedians do. All the time.
You can get on stage one night, tell your jokes, and crush. Everyone laughs, and after the show people talk to you like you're a hero. You go home feeling like the next Bill Burr. The next night, you tell the exact same jokes, and nobody laughs. Someone heckles you. After the show, people walk right by you to tell one of the other comics how great they were, and then when they realize you're in earshot, give you a insincere "you were good, too". You go from feeling like the next big thing, to wondering if it's too late to go back to school. Those jokes worked yesterday. What the fuck happened??
Now, ride that elevator every single day. Hell, sometimes you'll go up to the top and back to the basement in the span of an hour if you do a couple shows on the same night. Day after day, for years. "You're great!" "You suck." "That was incredible!" "That was awful." Up and down, up and down. I don't know if comedians are more fragile mentally than other people, but if we are, I think we have a damned good reason.
Sometimes, you'll go on a run of a bunch of good shows. Have a great weekend at a club, or a week where every single night, that new joke you're telling is working. I know on more than one occasion, I've had this feeling of "I've finally figured it out" in regards to comedy. And then as soon as you let your guard down....bam. Your new joke doesn't work, your old jokes don't work, and you come crashing back down to earth like one of those skyscraper rides at a carnival.
Comedy never lets you get completely comfortable. I'm not a headliner. Maybe someday it does. But I haven't met a single veteran comic that's told me "one day, it just clicks". The only comics I've seen that never think they bomb, bomb all the damned time. They're just unwilling to admit it, or they're oblivious. For most comics, we just never know what tomorrow's day at the office is going to be like. That can wear you down mentally. So, if we are more unstable than most, I understand why.
All that said, I like the ups and downs. Doing well on stage is one of the best feelings in the world. Bombing sucks so hard, but it keeps me honest and reminds me that the good feelings only come if I work for them. If it was easy, everybody would do it.
I had a fun show last night. So I'm prepping now for the bomb I'm going to drop in about 10 hours....
Thanks for reading.
Adam
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