#1 - A New Chapter 05/24/18

The past 7 days have felt like the start of a new chapter in my life.

We returned from a fantastic vacation last Tuesday (I'll get into the details in another blog), and at the end of that trip, my girlfriend and I spent almost 48 hours in airports and airplanes. It gave us a lot of time to just sit and talk about our lives, and our future. We have a lot of the same outlooks on life, which is a big part of the reason we've been together as long as we have. One of the opinions we share, is that life is too short to not be doing what makes you happy. It took us some time to reach that conclusion, but we're both there now. And what makes me happy, is stand up comedy.

So as of last week, I don't have a job anymore.

That's certainly not a brag, it's more of a leap. It's like I've been standing on the edge of a cliff for a while now, too scared to jump. But the time has come. I haven't liked working since I was a teenager. I've had some fun jobs, and I've had some fucking awful ones *cough* Uline *cough*, but even when I didn't hate my job, or the people I was around, I hated having to go there. The feeling of someone else telling me how I have to spend 8+ hours of my day has always bothered me. I just always figured that I had to suck it up, because that's how life works. It's what were taught from a young age; get good grades, get a good job, work until 65 and then enjoy the "golden years". That's what most people do. And hey, if that's what makes you happy, then there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

But it didn't make me happy. I've been looking for alternatives since I graduated High School. I've tried many things; traditional work like warehousing and sales. I worked with sheet metal for a while. None of them scratched that itch. I would settle in for a few years, bound and determined to crush it, climb the ladder and become successful. And then I would hit a wall, I'd get bored, sick of routine, and I'd have to find something else. I always knew that I didn't want to have a regular job and a regular boss, but I didn't want to start my own business. That's a ton of work, and I'm not motivated by money, I'm motivated by freedom.

And then I tried stand up. I remember telling people before my first set, I wasn't scared of bombing on stage. I was scared that I wouldn't like performing comedy. In High School, I would walk around with Jerry Seinfeld's "I'm Telling You For The Last Time" in my disc man, and I would lip-sync it the same way I would Eminem and Limp Bizkit. (I know). It seemed like such an incredible thing, to stand in front of a bunch of strangers, and make them laugh. It intrigued me. All this guy does is travel and tell jokes..... 

(For the record, the last couple years have taught me that there's a lot more to it than that!)

So after spending the last 15 years hyping up the life of a comedian in my head, I was scared that I wouldn't like it. And then I would be stuck. "What do I do now?" I think part of the reason it took me so long to try comedy was because of that fear. I could hate my job, but daydream of being a comedian. The thought of trying stand up, hating it, and then not having a dream to escape to anymore was terrifying.

But I tried it. And while it certainly isn't the glamorous, free wheeling life style I thought it would be, it's pretty sweet. And now, I've finally hit a point where I don't have a regular job anymore. I'm a comedian. Not a famous comedian, or a rich comedian, or even a successful comedian, but I'm a comedian. And I'm happy.

And now I have more time to really dedicate to my chosen craft. More time to write, to hit open mics, go on the road. I need to tell jokes to buy food. There's something really cool about that in my mind. I have the most supportive partner in the world backing me up. I feel like the luckiest guy in the world.

I'm 34, and for the first time, I'm not spending my days fantasizing about what I could be doing with my life. I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea that I'm doing it. I don't want to be rich or famous, I just want to be free to do what I want. And I am.

I numbered this post "#1". I enjoy writing, and now that I have a little more free time, I'm going to do a lot more of it. I've been (verrrrryyy slowly) working on a novel, and in addition to dedicating more time to it, I'm bound and determined to blog more. I'm going to shoot for 100 posts in 100 days. I don't care if anyone reads them, I just want to do it. I tried YouTubing a vlog, but it's just not as fun for me to do as this is. So we'll see how it goes.

The only thing stopping me from hitting 100 in 100 is me. The only thing stopping anyone from doing anything is themselves. If you have something in the back of your mind that you keep there as a dream to escape to every day, you owe it to yourself to try and make it a reality. It can change your life.

Start a new chapter.

Adam

WWYD - What Would You Do? 7/20/17

Chester Bennington from Linkin Park took his own life this morning, weeks after his friend Chris Cornell did the same. A pair of very sad stories, they got me thinking about how you can have fame, fortune, fans, all the stuff normal people dream of, and at the end of the day, it might not make you happy.

I had about half of a blog finished talking about that exact thing, but then decided to delete it and start over. Primarily because I don't have any idea if they were happy or not. I can assume they weren't, based on how their lives ended. But I think it's possible that they were indeed content with their day to day lives, and simply had something inside of them that they couldn't overcome. I'm not even going to attempt to pretend I know enough about mental health to provide any level of credible opinion. 

At the end of the day, I didn't start this blog entry to debate why these men did what they did. The events of today just got me thinking about life, and how you don't know when it's going to end. You might (and hopefully do) have 50, 60, 70 years left on this planet. You might have a week. To spend the time you have left doing anything other than what you want to is nothing short of a tragedy. It's a lesson that has taken me years to learn, but I feel like I finally understand that. 

People spend their entire adult lives working at jobs they hate, doing things they don't want to do. This ideology, at least for many of us, is learned at a young age. You go to school, then you get a job, work until you're old, and then retire and chill out until it's over. I've never completely subscribed to that theory. My parents instilled me with a great work ethic, and I've had a job since I was 14. But I've never been super happy about it. I could tell whatever I was doing wasn't what I wanted to be doing, and while I'd find short term happiness at a new job, over time, I would get back to the same point I'd reached before. I hated getting up and going to work every morning, and I wasn't happy with the thought of someone else telling me what to do for 1/3 of my day.

Luckily, I (eventually), found comedy. I just realized as I type this that tomorrow (July 21) is the 18 month anniversary of the first time I took a mic out of a stand and tried to make people laugh. There's been ups and downs over the last year and a half, but I've taken more steps toward being happy and excited about life over that time than I think I did in the 15 years prior that I'd been out of High School. I'm doing what I want to do with my life, and I'm in a spot mentally where I finally feel like I'm at peace with myself. I don't have any interest at all in getting rich or famous, I just want to be happy day to day. And I am. 

(I'm also RIDICULOUSLY lucky to have a girlfriend that understands and supports me).

The point I'm trying to make, is that you don't have forever. If you're at a job you hate, or in a relationship that doesn't make you happy, you owe it to yourself to do something about it. And you can always do something about it. I've heard many times that a lot of people work their entire lives, and then on their death beds, have a list a mile long of regrets over things they wish they had done. Personally, I think there's anything group of people that die content. Not happy. Content. They never thought about the possibility of doing anything other than what they were told to do with their life, and auto-piloted though the entire thing. Frankly, I don't know which option scares me more.

Do what you want to do with your life. Be positive, be happy. If something has a negative effect on your life experience, see if you can cut them/it out. Kevin Smith said it best:

"The world is full of 'why?' 'Why do you want to do that? Why would you do that?' Fuck that. Surround yourself with 'why not?' 'You want to do that? Why not? Let's try it!'"

Write a book, paint a picture, learn something new, make a Youtube video. Fuck what other people think. At the end of the day, this life is yours, and nobody else's, and you owe it to yourself, and the million other sperm that didn't make it this far, to do something cool with it.

WWYD - What Would You Do?

Thanks for reading my rambling blog. New podcasts are coming in the next few days as well. Because why not?

- Adam

Just Keep Showing Up 3/1/17

It's been a while since I posted on here. I hate it when I get into someone's blog, and then they never post. And now I'm that guy. I'm not into my own blog, but I never post. Just the worst. Things have been awesome, but busy. Between comedy, trying to get into some kind of shape, and getting our house ready to sell, there isn't much time to spare these days.

I love it.

I'm sure I've said it on here before, and I know I've brought it up on the podcast (Comedy Odyssey on iTunes & Podbean!), but I'm as focused as I can ever remember being on anything. I love being in this mindset, where you have the blinders on, you have goals in front of you, and you just grind as hard as you can. The last time I remember being this dialled in on something was probably when Shay and I were saving up to buy our house, and we were working a couple jobs each and just chipping away. It's hard at first, but once you buy in and start seeing results, you look forward to the grind each day.

Every month, I feel like I'm taking another step toward my eventual goal of being a professional comedian. I'm getting more out of town work (probably 2 out of every 3 weekends see me on the road these days), and opportunities are starting to pop in within the city limits, too. I've started closing out some of the local shows, and getting spots at the 2 major clubs in Edmonton (Yuks and the Comic Strip). I was just offered my first weekend at the Strip (end of May, if you want to come!) It's really exciting, and very, very motivating.

If I'm here after putting in *this much* work, how much further can I get if I work harder?

Obviously, I've been very lucky. Headliners in the city have, for whatever reason, decided they like having me around, and have been offering me chances to get on the road, make a little money, and most importantly, learn. I feel like my crowd work abilities have really started to develop thanks to working with Mike Dambra as much as I have, and I'm getting more and more comfortable on stage. That said, I still hate watching/listening myself. All I see or hear is what isn't working. But that's how you get better. I think....

I titled this blog "Just Keep Showing Up". I heard Joey Diaz say it on Joe Rogan's podcast, and I really liked it. If one of the comics in the city that's even newer than I am asked me for advice, I think that's what I'd say. Just keep showing up. That's what I've done. Establish your work ethic, let people know you take the art seriously. If you work hard enough, good things will happen.

Next weekend, I get the chance to go back to Cold Lake (where I grew up), to do a Friday and Saturday show. When I started taking comedy seriously, I wrote down some of my goals. One of them was to get the chance to go home and tell some jokes. I cannot wait for those shows. And then when I get back to Edmonton, I have the Joke Of Thrones and (hopefully) Funniest Person with a Day Job competitions to look forward to. March is going to be an awesome month.

I'm going home :)

I try not to focus on what other people think, but there's a big part of me that just wants to earn the respect of the other comedians. That's one of the things I've wanted the most since I did my first set. I saw the comics I liked and looked up, and the respect the other comics had for them, their talent and their work ethics. I don't actually know what most of the comedians in the city thinks of me, but I like to think I'm on my way to earning that respect. That alone keeps me going.

And it all comes down to just showing up. Just Keep Showing Up.

Thanks for reading, and supporting me.

Adam

Stranded in Cranbrook 2/6/17

It's 10:00 am, on Monday, February 6th. And I'm sitting at the Cranbrook airport.

It's not very nice. The one restaurant that's here is closed, because the employees can't get to the airport due to how much snow has fallen here in the last 48 hours. It's crazy.

I had shows here on Friday & Saturday night, and after looking at the road reports and seeing how many roads out of town, through the mountains, had been closed, my girlfriend & I thought I'd be better off staying until Monday and flying out. My flight has been cancelled, and now I'm waiting to get on another plane, assuming it can get off the ground, in a couple hours.

But even through all this, I'm staying positive. I'm still doing what I want to do, and while it turned out to be a break even weekend, money wise, I got to do a couple 35+ minute sets, which I wouldn't have gotten back home. I met some really nice people, too. So, glass half full, right?

The alternative to being stranded at this airport would be to be on my forklift, back at my old warehouse job, dreaming about doing stand up and being miserable. The way I look at it, I have a funny story to tell now. I can chalk it all up to "paying my dues". And I think I made a decent payment this weekend.

A theory about life that I've come to embrace is that life isn't about what happens to you, it's about how you react to what happens. I could bitch and moan about being stuck at this lame airport, or I can write a blog, play a game on my laptop, and enjoy the fact that I'm on the road doing something I love. Life is good, even if it's buried under 3ft of snow.

All that said, I can't wait to get home.

Take it easy.

Adam

So Las Vegas is pretty sweet..... 1/27/17

It's Friday afternoon, and I'm laying in my hotel room in Penticton. I had a show in Kelowna last night for Train Wreck Comedy (big thank you to Rob Balsdon for the opportunity), and Kevin McGrath (the headliner this weekend) and I have a show here in Penticton tomorrow night, but we ended up with today (Friday) off. As awesome as the Okanagan is, it's a little chilly to go to the beach in January, so I'm hibernating in my room, and thought I'd take a few minutes to ramble on here, and talk about comedy, and my recent trip to Las Vegas.

SPOILERS: Vegas is fucking awesome.

As you may or may not know, I've been selling off some of my sports memorabilia collection. We're looking to downsize our home this spring, and I just don't think we'll have the room for everything. Some of it sold in December, and I decided to use the money to pay for a weekend in Vegas for my girlfriend and I. Neither of us had ever been there, and after the weekend we had, I can guarantee we'll be going back sooner than later.

We stayed at The Aria, on the Strip, and it was a beautiful hotel. Unfortunately, it rained for two of the three days we were there, but that didn't stop us from getting out and having fun. We had dinner at one of Gordon Ramsey's restaurants that first night, and just spent the evening walking up and down the Strip, checking out some of the casinos, and the insane hotels, and drinking beer. We bought into the nightly Aria poker tournament that night, and Shay ran into a bad beat a couple hours in. I managed to make it to the final table of the tourney, though, and walked away with a 4th place finish out of about 75 players, and a $600 pay day. Gambling for free the rest of the weekend!

Saturday (we flew in on Friday), the sun was out, and we decided to go check out Fremont street. Some of the old casinos were pretty cool, but it just didn't hit home with us, and after a few hours, we decided to head back over to the Strip, and check it out while the weather was good. Popping into random casinos to have a beverage and see what was going on, we basically went from one end of the Strip to the other, and after a couple of the giant plastic margaritas, we (or I. Shay isn't the lightweight I am) were feeling no pain. We hit the Heart Attack Grill for dinner, and then after a power nap, I decided to play the Aria poker tourney again. It started at 7, I got sat as an alternate at 9, and made a second straight final table. At about 4am, we were 5 handed, and decided on a 5 way chop of the prize money, netting another $1100!

Sunday, Shay wanted to go shopping. So she went off looking for clothes, and I played some more poker at Harrahs and Ballys. No final table runs this time, but it was still fun, and then we ended off the trip by heading up to the Rio to check out Penn & Teller's show, which was fantastic.

All in all, it was a wicked trip. I can't wait to go back, and it was nice to just spend a weekend with Shay. I have a lot of weekends out of town coming up, so a little quality time together was just what the doctor ordered. Shay has supported me unconditionally since I began comedy, and I was really happy that we could get away and have some fun. And winning that money at poker was a bonus, as it felt good to be able to give her some more money to go shopping with, and try to show her how much I appreciate her having my back. I would be a walking tire fire without her.

Lazy eye selfie on the Strip.

So now this weekend, I'm in the Okanagan with Kevin McGrath. Next weekend I head down to Cranbrook with Paul Sveen, and then I have  a weekend bouncing between Alberta & Saskatchewan with Mike Dambra in February as well. I love it. Being on the road with these headliners, telling jokes and picking their brains is everything I was hoping I'd get a chance to do when I started performing stand up.

Back in Edmonton, I got y first chance to MC a show at the Comic Strip that wasn't open mic night, and I thought it went OK. It definitely could have been better, but I had fun, and I'm grateful for the opportunity. Hopefully, I get another one soon. I'll also get my first show at MCing at Yuk Yuks next week (Feb 4th). Lots of other spots at shows around Edmonton are keeping me busy. New ideas, new jokes, I feel like I'm really working at getting better every time I'm on stage right now, instead of just going through the motions, and that's exactly where I need to be.

I guess that's it for now. I'm going to go work on some material, and play a little xbox. Wherever you are, I hope life is good, and you have a killer weekend.

Thanks as always for reading.

Adam ______

Sunday Ramblings 1/8/17

It's about 4 pm on Sunday, January 8th. It's about 30 below outside, and I'm camping out on my couch with my dog. So far today, we've churned out a podcast, (painfully) listened back to the week's sets, worked on some new bits, and now we're blogging out a blog. All while doing laundry. Not to blow my own horn, but damn.

It's been a fun week. Anyone that listened (or is going to listen to my podcast, which you can find HERE) knows that is was my first week back at the grind after a couple weeks off for Christmas. I got to do a couple shows at the Comic Strip in West Ed, tried out a bunch of new material (mostly successfully) at Underdog, and got to do my first show in Morinville, which was an adventure in itself. But it's good to be back at it.

Click here to see a clip from my set at the Comic Strip on Tuesday.

I'm as focused as I've been in months, the new stuff is coming along great, and I've hit the ground running on my goal of reaching 60 minutes of material (that I'm happy with) by the end of 2017. I have a long way to go, and a lot of polishing to do, but it's a really satisfying feeling to see that I'm making progress.

I have less than 2 weeks to go until my 1 year anniversary (Jan 21), and I plan to write a specific blog about that when the time comes. As I've said a million times over the last 50 weeks, this has probably been the best year of my life. I just wake up in the morning full of positivity, it's like an energy I can't explain. I'm just ready to go and see what's going to happen today. There's no stress, nothing to be upset about. This is how life is meant to be lived.

I have a bunch of out of town shows coming up that'll see me traveling to Kelowna, Penticton, Cranbrook, Bashaw (I don't know where that is), Lethbridge, and the one I'm most excited about, Cold Lake. I lived there for about 10 years, and I can't wait to go home, see some old friends, and tell some jokes. I know it isn't New York or England, but it still seems pretty surreal to me that someone would pay me to go somewhere and make fun of myself.

Shay and I are taking off to Vegas for a few days, too. We've never been, and I'm looking forward to getting away from the Edmonton January weather and playing some poker. We've reached an agreement that a January vacation should become a household tradition moving forward.

The podcast is coming along, I'm getting better at sticking to a strict schedule. I still have intentions of upgrading my equipment in the next few months, the only thing slowing me down right now is doing my homework on what I want to get, and I plan to have it all up and running by spring. I want to start shooting video of my recordings as well, to get them up on Youtube. I don't know if the podcast will ever be anything other than a hobby for me, but I'm excited about it nevertheless.

And finally, some of you that know me know that for years, I've had an idea for/have been casually working on an animated show. That's *very* slowly coming along. Much like the podcast, I have no idea what I'm doing, it's just something I've always thought would be a fun project. The concept has changed several times, but it's been a cool side thing to work on when I have time. I like doing it solo and not having any deadlines, there's no pressure and I can do it when I want to. Growing up a huge Simpsons fan, I'm really enjoying my attempt to create something like that of my own.

I guess that's it for now. Thanks as always for reading and supporting me. I can't wait to see where 2017 takes us.

Adam

Sunday Rambling 11/20/16

Random Sunday night thoughts;

I've hated Sundays for most of my life. It feels like the countdown to the start of the new school/work week. I always found that after about 3 PM I couldn't enjoy the rest of the day, because I knew I had to go back to the grind in the morning. Since I started changing up how I live my life, I've found that feeling slowly starting to go away. I spent 33 years letting my brain program itself like that, it's going to take a while to reset.

I turned 33 on Thursday. I kind of wanted to go to a couple comedy shows and see if I could land a spot, as I wasn't booked anywhere, but my girlfriend convinced me to stay home. We had some friends over, ate a bunch of food, and just played video games and hung out. It turned out to be a really good time. As you get older, the amount of time you have to spend with people gets smaller. Be selective about who gets your time, but make time for the people that don't suck.

I thought 30 kind of sounded old, but 33 doesn't seem like a big deal. I don't think the numbers will really sink in until 40 now. All things considered, I think I'm pretty happy with what I've accomplished since 1983. I'm not a Ghostbuster like I originally planned, but things could be a lot worse. I have a great girlfriend, a house, good friends, and a supportive family. I could count my real problems on one hand. Life is good :)

Things are going way too well for me in Fantasy Football this year. I'm in 1st in both of my leagues, and right in the hunt of my two pick 'em pools. I expect the boom to drop any day now....

I don't spend much time watching sports anymore. I still catch Sportscentre almost every morning (NOT Sportsnet Central, seriously, how much does Sportsbet suck?), but I stay too busy to have any time to sit down and watch a full game these days. Luckily, Carey Price makes it so you don't have to watch the Habs games anymore. I'm embarrassed to admit  I was pissed when the Habs traded Halak for Eller instead of Price....

I published episode 5 of the Comedy Odyssey today. Listenership has been up and down, I'm still really trying to find my way with podcasting. I really enjoy recording them. Editing them kind of sucks. The feedback, good and bad, from those of you that listen has been very much appreciated. I don't plan on quitting anytime soon. It's really a different experience learning how to do something in front of people instead of in the privacy of a classroom or your house. I think, like stand up, it motivates you to work harder at it, so people can see you're improving. Or at least trying to, anyways.

Signed my first "contract" (?) for stand up tonight. It's just for a one off spot at a show in December, but I still thought it was pretty sweet. Every month it seems one or two cool things happen to me in the comedy world. Not knowing what's next keeps you moving forward when things go wrong. 

I've had a couple rough nights in the last month. Nothing crazy, but I've lost my focus on comedy, and had a couple moments where I caught myself asking, "why am I doing this?" I take it really seriously, and sometimes I think I let myself forget that it's supposed to be fun. I need to remember to just take a step back and look at it as an adventure. Not knowing what's around the corner is what makes it so fun. When I hit a point where it isn't fun anymore, I'll quit.

If you've ever sent me a nice message, come out to one of our comedy shows, listened to my podcast, or read this blog, thanks for supporting me. I don't know if or when this ride will end, but I'm glad you want to take it with me. I hope we end up somewhere nice.

Adam

Don't let anyone tell you what to do 11/9/16

I posted this on Facebook a few months ago. I think it still hits home:

"One of the guys I work with, probably the dude I like the most there, had his first child this week. Wednesday, his wife went into labour. And he was still working. I told him to get the hell out of there and get to the hospital, and he said we were too busy, and he'd go when he could. That's exactly what's wrong with society today.

Everyone has their own priorities. And if someone disagrees with yours, to hell with them. I think you probably spend the first 25 years of your life laying the foundation of that list, and then you tweak it as life goes on. I know for a fact that my buddie's family was a much higher priority to him than his work, but he felt obligated to stay. That's not being honest to yourself. Do what you want, what makes you happy. 

A few years ago, I wasn't doing that well. Shay and I had just bought our house, we had some money. Health. No worries. But I didn't feel right. Like I was just going through the motions, wasting time. I made a very conscious decision to start eliminating things/people that I weren't making me happy, and to start cramming as much positivity into my life as possible every day. I quit a very good paying sales job to go do something that I thought would be more fun (and it was), and I started phasing some people out of my life. I just decided I didn't want to be around them anymore. If anyone ever feels that way about me, I would hope they'd do the same. And it worked. I feel much better about life these days. I'm very happy.

I read something around that time that said "there is endless power in giving zero fucks." It's not the classiest sentiment ever, but it's spot on. I used to want everyone to like me. Now, there's a very small group of friends and family whose opinions matter to me very much, and if you're not in that circle, I don't really give a damn what you think. If I'm not hurting you, just let me do what I want. 

My current job demands a lot of hours from me, I work 55 or so in a 5 day a week, plus some weekends. I don't like it, but as of now, I've accepted the trade off, they get my time, and I'm happy with the money they give me for it. But if that job ever tries to overtake something that I feel is a higher priority (and there are a lot of them), then they'll quickly find out I won't be there anymore. It's a humble brag, but anyone that has worked with me would be quick to say that I'm a pretty hard worker (I think, anyways), and I do my best to help the team and pull my weight. But I've also switched jobs 4 times in about 12 years. Once because I felt they were trying to become to work their way to the top of my priority ladder, once because I just wasn't happy anymore, and once mostly for financial reasons. And even though the job I have now is very secure and well paying, I have no hesitation to quit, and no worry of getting fired, if it ever isn't a fit anymore. Because I just don't enjoy working. I like things that I find fun. And I wasn't out here just to let someone else tell me what to do all my life.

The moral of this ridiculously long post is that your life is a dictatorship. You call the shots. The only people that can get into your board of directors are your family, and your close friends. And that's only if you deem them worthy of a chair at the table. If someone doesn't like how you're running your business, then don't do business with them anymore. You have 24 hours a day to spend on anything you want. Don't let anyone spend even one minute of them for you."

As you probably know, I did end up walking out of that job at the beginning of October. I wasn't happy there, and my girlfriend and I decided the money wasn't worth it anymore. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, but the universe picked me up and led me to something better. I don't make the money I used to make, and I was 10 weeks away from a $4000 bonus, but I don't care. I will never, ever, do something just a paycheque again. If I don't want to do something/be somewhere, I won't do it/be there. Taking control of your life is the single most empowering feeling in the world.

I don't know what the meaning of life is. To be honest, most the time I really don't think there is a point. In the grand scheme of the universe, we're pretty insignificant. And that's fine with me. I'm going to just stand over here and do whatever the fuck I want for the rest of my days. Watch what you want to watch. Listen to the music you like. Eat whatever you want to eat. Do what you want. If you're miserable, but you're letting someone else make you feel that way, well, that's your problem.

-Adam

Positive Thinking 10/13/16

*This is a big ramble of a blog, but I'm in a good mood, and feel like rambling. So I'm gonna ramble*

I don't like negative people.

Those people that just spend all their time complaining or getting angry. Everyone has their days, but when it's 24/7, it gets old fast. I was turning into that guy at my old job, I hated it there, was always losing my temper. So I made the decision to walk away last week. Best decision I've made in a long time.

I try to make a conscious effort to be happy and positive. I spend as much time as possible around people and things that make me happy. If there's someone/something I don't like, then I minimize the time I spend around it. More people need to make a conscious effort to surround themselves with positivity. If you focus on something positive, it'll spread into all aspects of your life, including your mind. And once you start thinking positively, positive things start to find you.

I've had my fair share of bombing lately. Working on new material can be tough, you never know how the crowd is going to react, and it can be harder to have that confidence that I think you need to have on stage when you aren't sure if a joke is going to work. I was starting to get into a negative mind set, and that reflected in my work. Head down, less enthusiasm. Thankfully, a couple friends/fellow comics pointed it out to me. I knew I had some negative thoughts about the material in my head, but I didn't realize how quickly it had spread. My body language, my delivery, was all negative. How am I supposed to convince someone that something is funny, if I don't believe it myself? So last night I did a show, worked on the same new material, but went into it with a positive mind set. And the stuff worked. It's all about positive thinking. Law of attraction.

I've been a little down on myself since I quit my job. I know it was the right thing to do; that place was the most toxic part of my life. I've just had a hard time convincing myself that it's ok to do something different. But diving headfirst into comedy has started to shift my mindset. I felt like a loser with no job, chasing a fantasy. So I took a step back, and worked hard to convince myself that I'm not a loser, I'm a dreamer. Why can't I make this my job? I just have to work hard. Nothing is impossible, you just have to be willing to work. So everyday, I tried to convince myself that I'm not wasting my time, I'm just not letting anyone else tell me how to use it. Surround myself with positive energy, and things/people that make me happy. If you do that, the rest will find you. I got a call yesterday from an old job, that I really enjoyed, and we came to an agreement for me to return there on a part time basis. It's perfect, I can help do my part for my family and bring in some money, but do it doing something I enjoy doing. And not only do I enjoy doing the job, but it's a job that gives me free reign to chase this comedy dream full time as well.

Some might say that it's all just a coincidence, but I don't think it is. I decided in my mind that this is what I wanted, and I got it. A month ago, I was exhausted, and spent 50+ hours a week at a job I hated. Now I have a job I love, that gives me time to work on something that I love. There isn't one aspect of my life I don't like right now, and it all boils down to having a good attitude, and thinking positive.

If you're unhappy, think about what makes you unhappy. Is there a way to fix it? Then do it. If there isn't, start taking steps toward removing it from your life. Everyone wants to be happy. The only way to really get there is to surround yourself with things that make you feel good. Set yourself up to think positively every day. Good things, and more importantly, good people, will find you.
I really believe that.

I quit my job 10/6/16

Monday was my last day of work at the box factory.

I hadn't been happy there for some time. The early morning and long days weren't jiving with my new found night life, and I finally decided it was time to move on. For the first time since I was about 14, I don't have a regular job.

My plan was to start job hunting right away, but my girlfriend convinced me to take the month of October off, and just hit the reset button. I've been very fortunate to have a good friend that has hooked me up with a few paid gigs, and I'm going to take the month to just focus on my comedy, and try to figure out where to go next. It's everything I've dreamed of doing for months, and now that I have it, I've spent part of each day struggling with it.

I've never not had a job. I feel weird not having one. I have phases where I feel like a loser. Like Im just mooching off my girlfriend. Since I left my day job, I haven't turned on a video game, and I think I've watched 20 minutes of tv this week. I've spent my days getting odd jobs finished around the house, or working on my comedy. Writing, rehearsing, doing shows, and I've started learning the business side of the industry as well. But I can't shake the feeling that I should have a job, no matter how much I hated it. Like I'm letting the world down by not getting up every morning and going to work. We aren't struggling to pay the bills, we're not in any trouble at all. I have the blessing of my girlfriend to take this time and really focus on my future, figure out what will make me happy. But it's harder than I thought it would be.

I feel like Brooks in Shawshank Redemption, when he talks about life outside of prison. He's so used to life inside, that everything on the outside scares him. I'm not just going through the motions for the first time, and even if it's only temporary, it's terrifying.

Trying stand up comedy was one of the best decisions of my life. More than anything, I just want to get good at it, and do it for a living someday. I'm struggling with that lifestyle after 3 days. Writing jokes, getting on stage, performing, all the work? I love it. The freedom that comes with it? It isn't sitting right so far. I really hope I can convince myself to just embrace it and take the next step. I've been handed an opportunity most aspiring comedians would kill for; I don't have to worry about money, and I have all day to just focus on improving as a comedian. My girlfriend is supporting me, and I have people in the industry doing everything in their power to help me as much as possible. And all I can think about is how I should be at work. I suck.