I had about half of a blog finished talking about that exact thing, but then decided to delete it and start over. Primarily because I don't have any idea if they were happy or not. I can assume they weren't, based on how their lives ended. But I think it's possible that they were indeed content with their day to day lives, and simply had something inside of them that they couldn't overcome. I'm not even going to attempt to pretend I know enough about mental health to provide any level of credible opinion.
At the end of the day, I didn't start this blog entry to debate why these men did what they did. The events of today just got me thinking about life, and how you don't know when it's going to end. You might (and hopefully do) have 50, 60, 70 years left on this planet. You might have a week. To spend the time you have left doing anything other than what you want to is nothing short of a tragedy. It's a lesson that has taken me years to learn, but I feel like I finally understand that.
People spend their entire adult lives working at jobs they hate, doing things they don't want to do. This ideology, at least for many of us, is learned at a young age. You go to school, then you get a job, work until you're old, and then retire and chill out until it's over. I've never completely subscribed to that theory. My parents instilled me with a great work ethic, and I've had a job since I was 14. But I've never been super happy about it. I could tell whatever I was doing wasn't what I wanted to be doing, and while I'd find short term happiness at a new job, over time, I would get back to the same point I'd reached before. I hated getting up and going to work every morning, and I wasn't happy with the thought of someone else telling me what to do for 1/3 of my day.
Luckily, I (eventually), found comedy. I just realized as I type this that tomorrow (July 21) is the 18 month anniversary of the first time I took a mic out of a stand and tried to make people laugh. There's been ups and downs over the last year and a half, but I've taken more steps toward being happy and excited about life over that time than I think I did in the 15 years prior that I'd been out of High School. I'm doing what I want to do with my life, and I'm in a spot mentally where I finally feel like I'm at peace with myself. I don't have any interest at all in getting rich or famous, I just want to be happy day to day. And I am.
(I'm also RIDICULOUSLY lucky to have a girlfriend that understands and supports me).
The point I'm trying to make, is that you don't have forever. If you're at a job you hate, or in a relationship that doesn't make you happy, you owe it to yourself to do something about it. And you can always do something about it. I've heard many times that a lot of people work their entire lives, and then on their death beds, have a list a mile long of regrets over things they wish they had done. Personally, I think there's anything group of people that die content. Not happy. Content. They never thought about the possibility of doing anything other than what they were told to do with their life, and auto-piloted though the entire thing. Frankly, I don't know which option scares me more.
Do what you want to do with your life. Be positive, be happy. If something has a negative effect on your life experience, see if you can cut them/it out. Kevin Smith said it best:
"The world is full of 'why?' 'Why do you want to do that? Why would you do that?' Fuck that. Surround yourself with 'why not?' 'You want to do that? Why not? Let's try it!'"
Write a book, paint a picture, learn something new, make a Youtube video. Fuck what other people think. At the end of the day, this life is yours, and nobody else's, and you owe it to yourself, and the million other sperm that didn't make it this far, to do something cool with it.
WWYD - What Would You Do?
Thanks for reading my rambling blog. New podcasts are coming in the next few days as well. Because why not?